Adventures in Crazy-Mom Land

The thing I didn't know before I became a mother was there was two separate worlds of parenting: the real one where people were only occasionally crazy and over-the-top about their personal parenting choices, and the virtual world of mommy groups, where this attitude is the rule, rather than the exception. When I had my first son, I was stunned: Bottle feeding vs. breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping, vaccination and circumcision vs. non-vaccination and no circumcision. Every parenting decision that exists seems to be split up into two groups; this group against this one. Being an extremely new mom, I felt defensive, confused, angry, and a little overwhelmed. What was I supposed to think of these radical woman who had strong opinions about everything I did or didn't do. I felt I had to explain myself at every corner to strangers I'd never met. So now, after the birth of my second child, and the arrival of my step-son into my life, I am going to affirm my way of doing things. Having only been a mother for 3 short years, I'd still consider myself a new mother, and perhaps I need to set things straight in my own mind about what kind of mother I am.

• First off, I am a formula feeding mother. Both boys, exclusively fed formula. This was probably the biggest area of conflicting in my own mind. The hard truth is I really didn't want to breastfeed. I know that's the thing we formula feeding moms are never supposed to say; we're supposed to give a long explanation of why we made our descion. I had my excuse when my first son was born: he was in the NICU for a whole 5 days, and he wasn't latching. When I fervently explained myself on the mommy websites, my reason was quickly rejected. I could have tried harder, I was selfish, lazy, and really unfit for motherhood. In hindsight, those crazy women were right, I could have tried harder. I just didn't want to. When my second son was born, I went into it thinking I was going to be successful this time. I HAD let my oldest down and done him a disservice. Then the same thing happened: I hated the experience. I was stuck on a couch it felt like all day, watching my older boys play without me. I felt isolated, alone, and exhausted. This time, I  felt no guilt buying that first can of formula. What I felt was relief. I am proud of my choice, and I regret nothing. My kids are healthy and happy, and in five years when they go out into the world (if you can consider kindergarten "the world"), what they were fed the first year of their lives will be completely irrelevant. In my opinion, it's what we feed them after that first year that really matters.
• All my kids have all their vaccinations. I have always felt strongly about this issue, and even though I don't necessarily condemn those parents who choose not to vaccinate, I will never make choose to withhold a vaccine for a serious disease because of grassroots hype about vaccines being dangerous (not that all parents who choose not to vaccinate do so for this reason, only the majority of the parents I have personally come into contact with). I may harbor a little resentment for non-vaccinating parents and their children who would be bringing eradicated diseases back into prevalence, but we all have to make our choice. I would never tell another parent they need to do things a certain way. I may think it in secret, but I try my best not to say it out loud.
• Both boys slept in our rooms till they were a few months old, then off to their own rooms they go. Co-sleeping can be a good for some, but for us, it's just stressful, and uncomfortable. I would also like a little time without the kids around. Sleeping seems like the most logical time to be away from them. I don't really know where the idea that you have to be with your baby every second of every day or they will somehow be damaged came from, but I don't buy it.
• Neither of my boys are circumcised. I never thought that would be something I would share on the Internet, and it's surely the reason I will end up ending my online life when they get older, but now that they're babies I don't think they mind me saying that. I didn't circumcise them, not because I feel it's barbaric (the favorite adjective of online mommys who are anti-circumcising) but for the simple reason that I didn't feel it was necessary. However my stepson and my husband are both cut and they don't seem to be traumatised to their core.
• I use a leash/harness on my older son. He's almost three and no matter what any mom says, no toddler has the mental capacity, nor the impulse control to stay by mom and never let go of her hand. Besides, can anyone tell me how holding hands, or even a stroller is better than letting a child run as free as the leash will allow? Both those things call for restraint of the child in some way.
• Last but definitely not least, I consider myself a "freerange" mom (thanks for the term  Lenore Skenazy). My older son walks to and from school everyday, plays around our block, *gasp* alone, and has not been kidnapped by pedophiles yet. My almost 3 year old plays in our backyard alone. I get lots of lectures, not from online moms but from the old people that live in our block. Go figure.

I happen to consider myself a pretty good mom. I don't think a single one choice can permanently damage kids for life. But if it does at least my kids will have something to talk to their therapist about.

Adventures in Mall land

Today was a big day for the Barreda-Poiles: family photos. Now, for the most part, taking pictures with young children is challenging, but it usually turns out to be okay. Not today. Mistake number one: trying to take off Orion's jacket once we got inside. He completely went off the deep end, and threw a monster sized temper tantrum right there in the middle of J.C. Penny. Being a Saturday and all, there were no less than 5 families all jammed packed in the store, and Orion has a very loud voice. Small store. Loud, angry toddler voice. Not a good combo. Mistake number two: thinking Orion would cooperate when it was our turn to take pictures. He didn't. He refused to take off his bright yellow jacket, he had his fingers in his mouth and tears in his eyes, and he would not leave my lap for anything. So getting a picture alone with Steven or having the three boys together was difficult. but with a little creative magic, it happened (even though you can clearly see my crazy hair in the shot with the three boys). I am just grateful he was in the picture at all.

What's the only place that can calm the storm of 2 year old rage? Chuck-E-Cheese, of course! 40 bucks later, Orion finally calmed down. I realized we are never going back to the mall on a Saturday morning with the kids again. Too many people, too many kids, not enough us. My stress level shot way up when I realized we were overdrawn at the bank. Now we have to make $60 work for us for 7 days. Good luck.

Off to make the perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies (yes, it needs to be capitalized).

P.S. Saw Paranormal Activity 2 last night. Doing laundry today to clean my pants that I shit in because it was so damn scary. (I didn't actually shit my pants, it just seemed appropriate to say to convey just how scary the movie was. It was hella scary.)

Adventures in Teething land

Whoever invented two year molars is a bastard. Orion's last two teeth are poking through, and he's miserable. He's got a fever, a runny nose, no appetite, has sleep most of the day, and when he has been awake, has his fingers firmly lodged in his mouth. Hopefully he'll feel better by tomorrow for our pictures.

Thank god these are his last teeth, now we can sit back and enjoy our home that is absent of toddler screams...for a few more months until Nolan starts teething.....damn you nature.

Adventures in Moneyland

I took it upon myself today to pay some major debts. First the credit card, to which we charged a large portion of the bathroom to. Thanks, IRS. It was almost a full year before we got our refund, but hey I can't complain. Then off to get a money order for my student loan. Now, I would have sent them a check, but I was paying with our new Wells Fargo account, and we have no checks yet. No big deal, I'll just use my debit card and get a money order. But surprise! I forgot Steven has my debit card. Damn. So now I have to go into that bank, and withdraw the money. I get the money, go to the post office for a money order. I know what you're thinking, "why not just get a money order at the bank?" A better question would be why not just pay the damn thing online? Well I like to do things the hard way, that's why. But apparently, if you are carrying around a large amount of cash with you, you attract some suspicion. I had to fill out a special form at the post office, which included my social security number and every other number associated with me. Damn.

Anyway, all is well. Only three more debts to our name: house and cars. If we hadn't bought this house we'd be debt free in a year. Oh well.

When I was at the post office, an old man made a comment to me that I looked like I need more sleep. Thanks, old dude! That's a nice thing to tell a total stranger, "hey stranger, you look like shit! Get some sleep!" Unfortunately, old dude was right. I am totally in need of a 46 hour nap. Just thinking about my nice warm bed makes me sad and full of desire at the same time. In 18 short years, we'll be able to rekindle our relationship. Until then, I'll just have to remember the good times we had.

Adventures in Brand-new-blog land

Here I am, finally jumping on the latest technology bandwagon: the infamous blog. First it was Livejournal. Ah, livejournal, the good times we had. Then, it was Myspace. That was awesome for awhile. In fact I am pretty sure the Livejourl/Myspace era were pretty much happening simultaniously for me. Then they both pretty much died when Facebook came along. And now, a Facebook/blog combo is born. 

Day one:
Orion continues his hopelessly annoying phase of dumping his food/putting things in the dishwasher. And when I say "in the dishwasher" I really mean in the tiny slots at the top of the dishwasher. To rescue my credit cards today, I had to unscrew the whole damn thing. 

Steven has a 36 hour shift. Hello, exhausted. 

Our new bathroom is officially done! Finally! Now all 5 of us won't have to rush into the bathroom in the mornings like a pack of wild dogs to brush our teeth. Hooray! The only thing left to do is pant. 

Family pictures on Saturday. Expect cheesiness galore. 

And now I must attend to my crying 3 month old (seriously, how did he turn into a 3 month old?! Wasn't he just a newborn the other day?!). I also must pry two screwdrivers out of Orion's hands. I expect more tears. 

Christina, out!