Adventures wondering where the time went

I remember being a kid, and thinking that time could not move fast enough. Everything seemed to go so slowly. Now that I am an adult, it feels like I wake up, and years have gone by in a matter of days. Sometimes this can be a good thing, for example, my nightmarish stint alone with three boys is coming to a close tomorrow (yay!), or the sleep deprived, shocking decent into mothering a newborn, which only lasted a few weeks, until I was confident I wouldn't break the baby the first time, or go into a nut house the second time.

But for the most part, I feel like time is literally slipping through my fingers, like sand. Nolan is going to be 1 in a few short weeks, and I am planning a birthday party for him. It feels like it was yesterday that I was in the hospital with him, looking down at his perfect face, wondering how I was going to juggle all these children without loosing my mind. Now, a year later, I can't imagine not waking up in the morning to my pudgy, perfect baby, and my amazing little boy. I've had my moments (most of them these last two weeks), but I just am so in love with these little boys, I can't imagine life without them.

Orion's starting pre-school in September, and is in the final stages of potty training. He's also given up his pacifier. I know most people would say he should have given up his diaper and Binky a year or two ago, but he didn't. Now that he is, I find myself oddly emotional about it. Don't get me wrong, I am glad my days of changing poop and searching for his pop at 3am are done (at least with him), but it's just more reminders of how fast he's growing up.

Steven and I celebrated our fourth anniversary on Friday (well I celebrated here by watching Tru Blood, and he celebrated in Yakima by eating an Almond Joy). We've been through a lot in the last four years; two kids, three court appearances, acquiring custody of Nathan, seven moves in three different states, and one very long deployment. Blink of an eye.

All this time passed makes me feel a little helpless, and very accomplished at the same time. It's a weird paradox.



My little boys (now big boys) X-mas 2009