September 2012, my husband was unemployed. He was working on getting licensed as a realtor, and not having much luck. I was just starting my home daycare. Our saving account was dwindling, things were looking grim. We had bills. Two mortgagees. Three kids. What seemed like an endless stream of bills. I've been lucky enough in my life that I've never had to seriously worry about money. I never had to make the choice between gas in the car or going to the dentist. I'd never thought about money more than I did that year. Money was all I seemed to be able to think about. The stress of the situation manifested itself in a variety of ways; my husband and I grew closer as a team, but fought constantly, and heatedly. We were both becoming less patient, and more terrified as the days passed with no job offers.
Then we got a phone call that changed pretty much everything. A job. More than a job. A job with a six figure salary, health insurance. A job that came with some serious drawbacks: this job is temporary, and it's overseas. But it was our way out.
When my husband deployed, the rift that had been growing slowly between us suddenly and unexpectedly multiplied. Both of us became less and less invested in our marriage. We started talking about living separately permanently. Dating other people. We seriously contemplated divorce. Some of the things we talked about actually happened. The more we talked about going our separate ways, the more the reality of what we were talking about became clear. Divorce wouldn't just mean not being together anymore; it had serious repercussions for our children, our families, our financial stability, as well as our own emotional well being. So he left after his 21 day leave on this note. I am feeling optimistic that our marriage will make it back to where it needs to be.
Last year, I was kind of wondering around, lost and confused; I didn't really know what the hell came after college. What did I want to do? Did I want a career? What kind? I went to Capella in 2011 to get an MBA, a sharp turn from the undergrad in education I earned, as well as every job I've ever had. That didn't last long (two quarters to be exact). But being brought to the brink of poverty by unemployment gave me a pretty clear perspective of where I want my own life to go. Running my own business has been fulfilling beyond words. I've learned so much in my first year, including the path I'd like to take next. I want to be a trainer or licenser for the Department of Early Learning. I know this is what I want to do because it has remained a constant throughout the year. And I am making it happen now: I've been accepted into a Masters of Social Work program starting this Fall.
Not knowing what I am going to do with my life is a struggle I've seen with other people my age. Since I made the choice to start a family and get married young, however, I've had that extra struggle to deal with on top of family obligations. It's not the ideal. But I feel like things are finally coming together for me. I feel more confident as a mother and care provider as well as a person. I am still working on the wife part. I love my husband more than I've loved any man. But loving someone does not always translate to being in a successful marriage. All I can do is give it my best, and try hard everyday.
In the meantime, these things keep growing, changing, thriving, and continuing to amaze me.
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| Nathan, 11. One more year before middle school. Brilliant, silly, and adaptive. |
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| Orion, 5. Starting kindergarten this year. Smart, creative, and fiery. |
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| Nolan, 3. Starting his first year of preschool. Sweet, cuddly, and affectionate. |
Steven's job as I said is temporary. We're looking at January. This time around, we've tried to make some kind of plan; last time we were faced with unemployment, there was no planning, not advance preparation (even though we had almost 8 month to plan). This time, we'll be okay.
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